There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
