Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
