Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
