I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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