So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
