their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
