Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
