turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The power of my boobs compel you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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