Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
