oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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