Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
