It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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