I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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