I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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