Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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