my soul wont recognize me after tonight
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
