just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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