You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
