his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
