Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
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I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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