Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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