Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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