The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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