Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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