I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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