Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
