In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
