I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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