Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your penis caused this!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
