im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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