i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
