She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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