you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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