i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
