For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
