who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
