My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
