you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
