Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize