I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Shame is for Republicans.
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