he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
