thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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