I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
