they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
