Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
