Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
