Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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