I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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