we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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