Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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