I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
