VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
