So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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