your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
