Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we made out on top of his cat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dear god my vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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