the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
