i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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