I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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