i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
