I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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