I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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