She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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