My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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